Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
