i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
