these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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