Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
