Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
