i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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