you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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