You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
