I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
