I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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