I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
