He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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