1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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