She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
