you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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