i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
