what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
