great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
