Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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