We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
