i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
