Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
