My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
