He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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