she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize