I'm laying in your front yard are you home
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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