after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
