I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
