U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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