is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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