my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
