i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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