Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
