Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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