C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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