worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
