EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
