I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
