cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
