Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
