TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
