Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
