I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
