You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
