I think my fart just growled at me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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