The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
