it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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