THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
