Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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