Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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