we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
