How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
